Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Changes

Moving on...
I see many changes coming this year.
Obviously, the birth of our 3rd child.
Our foster son leaving. Perhaps even before our new baby arrives.
Choosing to step out of the roles of being foster parents, to close our home.
Choosing (this one just applies to me, not my husband) to walk away from the fire company.

I have questioned whether I am doing the right thing.
If I have failed.
And I feel that these moves are right, and that I haven't failed.
I feel, in the case of our foster son, that the "system" has failed him.
But I also feel that because I was unable to change that,
my heart has lost the desire it once had to be a foster parent.
That it was just too much, and I have no more to give in that area.
I feel that these things are preparing us/me for something.
Something that God is preparing us for. That is yet to be revealed.
And I'm nervous. But I know my God is BIG.
And I know He won't give me more than I can handle.
But I know I have had these feelings before, that change was coming.
And it was life altering then.
And I have no reason to believe this will be any different.

Somehow I thought typing out my feelings would make me feel better.
And it may have, but not by much.
Perhaps- it's just the hormones. And I'm a little crazy.
But I doubt that.

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